Process of Illumination

Steve Jobs

The Gentle Barn

One of the most inspiring places I've ever been is The Gentle Barn. It is a farm animal rescue just North of Los Angeles. Founded in 1999 by Ellie Weiner, and now run by her and her husband Jay, it is a magical place where anything seems possible. Here's a shot I grabbed of Karma as he tried to kiss me.

Ellie and Jay see their 130 rescued farm animals as teachers, healers, friends and hero's. Every animal at their place has been rescued from horrible abuse, neglect, and loneliness, and yet they have all survived using forgiveness, trust, love, and courage. These are the qualities that Ellie and Jay strive for on a daily basis, and that they teach the children that visit The Gentle Barn.

Below is a recent post from their blog about what happened when a group of troubled boys visited the animals.

This week we had a wonderful group of boys from a probation camp.  These kids are failing in school, fighting with their peers and not communicating with their therapists, so we brought them out to The Gentle Barn to see if, through the animals, we could help them.

The first thing we did when they arrived was ask them one word that best described who they were and what were their dreams.  They took time to think about it and came up with some great answers.  One teen named Bobby said that the best word for him was “mystery.” He said that no one understands him and that no one can predict what he was going to do next.

We talked with the kids about our place, our animals and their stories.  We told them that our animals are heroes.  We started a discussion about body language and what different animals do when they are frightened.  It was interesting because Bobby said that when he gets scared he pulls out his gun.

We went to the cows first and had all the boys hug our cow Buddha.  Bobby did not want to hug Buddha.  He expressed concern that he was worried what his peers would think of him if he told them that he had hugged a cow; it was not cool.  Nonetheless, after all the other kids had their hug and enjoyed it, we all encouraged Bobby to participate.  After all the pressure, he finally relented and hugged her.  The minute he put his face down on Buddha’s soft, warm, fluffy fur, his face changed completely.  He no longer looked defensive, shut down, or tough.  His face softened as he allowed Buddha’s love to wash over him. When he was finished, Bobby walked away, visibly shaking off the experience, looking like he was trying not to cry.  I watched him compose himself and I gave him a high five.  He looked younger, more innocent, and softer.  I wondered when he had last had a sincere, loving hug.

We then went to give carrots to the horses and we talked a lot about the horses’ stories.  Many of them shared the same stories of abandonment, abuse and neglect as the youth.  I told them the story of Lazar and Zoe, two Belgian Draft horses who were taken away from their moms at only a month old.  I explained that it took years to heal them and breath the life back into them and even though they were healed now, they still have emptiness inside them and probably will have for life.  Bobby’s eyes were fixed on me, taking in every word I was saying.  I was wondering if he carried around that emptiness too.

By the time we went to the upper barnyard with the smaller animals Bobby seemed like a kid, not the man he was when he first arrived.  He gave tummy rubs to the pigs, asked questions, and even cradled a chicken in his arms.  He was no longer preoccupied with keeping his clothes spotless and he was not thinking about what other people thought of him; he seemed free.

We finished up the group at the wishing well.  Each boy found a rock with a flat surface and I handed out black markers.  I asked them what false belief was getting in the way of their happiness.  What false belief about themselves or the world was causing them to suffer?  Did they think they were, ugly, losers, trouble makers, or not smart enough?  Did they think they were going to suffer their whole lives?  Did they think life or love sucked?  I asked them to figure it out and then write the opposite on their rock.  So, if my false belief was that I was not lovable, then I would write that I was loved on my rock.  I explained to them that the rocks would stay in our well until the end of time and we would hold the truth about them, no matter where they went from here, or what they did.  Hopefully because it was written, they would act from the truth from now on.

Once they had written the opposite of their false beliefs on their rock we took turns saying it out loud and throwing the rocks into the well.  When the boys took turns saying their new truth out loud, they seemed so brave, honest, real and willing to participate.  Bobby was last and he made his statement with conviction and vulnerability: “I am not a criminal”!

I told the guys that The Gentle Barn was my dream since I was 7 years old.  I told them that I did not grow up with farm animals, did not previously own land and did not have a lot of money.  I just had a dream, one that I was not willing to give up on.  If my dream came true, then theirs could too.  The guys put their hands on the magic rocks of the wishing well, closed their eyes, made silent wishes to themselves and then clapped their hands twice and walked away.

When Bobby walked away from the well he came over and gave me a huge hug goodbye; he seemed like he did not want to let go, I know I didn’t.  His face looked so hopeful and I wondered if today saved his life and made him see himself in a different way.  Maybe he now realized that he could change and have the life he had dreamed of, and deserved.

As those brave young men drove away I felt like my heart was going to explode with the love and compassion I felt for them.  I felt honored to have met them, lucky to have spent time with them, and honored to do this work.

The next time you visit us on a Sunday, check out our wishing well. I know that you will help us keep those rocks safe and undisturbed .We invite you to take a minute to make a wish, after all, we are never to young or old to have a dream, and at The Gentle Barn we believe that dreams come true.

To read more about the animals at The Gentle Barn and the inspiring work of Ellie and Jay Weiner, their staff and volunteers, visit gentlebarn.org.

Tower of Power

In a moment of rare indulgence, I allowed myself to sleep in today past 10:30am. I have been fighting not to come down with my son's cold and had a late night. Feeling well-rested, I was going to share with you how excited I am to have the opportunity to plan my mother's 80th birthday party. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I affectionately refer to her as my “Smother”. She is the quintessential doting Jewish mother who would open a vein if it meant it would make my world sunnier even for a moment. Far too humble to be the center of attention, it was surprising that she granted me permission to plan a party for her. In fact, she sort of suggested it. I am brimming with joy to be able to celebrate her and the beautiful, generous person she is. But alas, this is not what this post is demanding to be about.

On the heels of my Fool card post, I pulled a card this morning. Not struggling with any particular topic, I was just looking for some symbolic energy to hold in my thoughts...just screwing around, basically. Lo and behold I pulled the card I dread, The Tower. It's an image of violent destruction that makes me afraid my world is about to crumble. WTF?! Just when I am feeling so fabulous!

To me this image calls to mind recent events of natural disaster like the earthquake in Haiti. Suffering and destruction is not where my head is at today. I nearly picked another card, but stopped myself. Perhaps there is another way to look at The Tower. There was only one thing to do: “To the internets...”

I found such an eloquent analysis of this card, that I am posting it verbatim. It is from a site called Aeclectic Tarot.

As the Fool leaves the throne of the Goat God, he comes upon a Tower, fantastic, magnificent, and familiar. In fact, The Fool, himself, helped build this Tower back when the most important thing to him was making his mark on the world and proving himself better than other men. Inside the Tower, at the top, arrogant men still live, convinced of their rightness. Seeing the Tower again, the Fool feels as if lightning has just flashed across his mind; he thought he'd left that old self behind when he started on this spiritual journey. But he realizes now that he hasn't. He's been seeing himself, like the Tower, like the men inside, as alone and singular and superior, when in fact, he is no such thing. So captured is he by the shock of this insight, that he opens his mouth and releases a SHOUT! And to his astonishment and terror, as if the shout has taken form, a bolt of actual lightning slashes down from the heavens, striking the Tower and sending its residents leaping out into the waters below.

In a moment, it is over. The Tower is rubble, only rocks remaining. Stunned and shaken to the core, the Fool experiences grief, profound fear and disbelief. But also, a strange clarity of vision, as if his inner eye has finally opened. He tore down his resistance to change and sacrifice (Hanged man), then broke free of his fear and preconceptions of death (Death); he dissolved his belief that opposites cannot be merged (Temperance) and shattered the chains of ambition and desire (The Devil). But here and now, he has done what was hardest: destroyed the lies he held about himself. What's left is the bare, absolute truth. On this he can rebuild his soul. 

If this blog had a theme so far, it would be the challenges I've been struggling with on this path of accelerated growth. I have spoken about 6 different ways about how evolution demands a letting go on all levels — mental, emotional and physical. Old ways of thinking, old ways of feeling, old structures that no longer work, and even old friends who no longer fit must be left behind. Yes! The Tower is exactly what I've been looking at. Duh. 

So as I go into this weekend of self-imposed rest and renewal, I find gratitude in the courage I've found to be on this path and my willingness to destroy what no longer works for the opportunity to create what does.

Blah blah blah. Time for another cupcake!

Playing 20 Questions...with yourself

“To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something.” —Lao Tzu

Life Coach Martha Beck crowd-sourced and compiled a list of 20 powerful questions we should be asking ourselves. It's oriented towards women, but perfectly appropriate for men as well. I am particularly fond of Question #9. Isn't that what I have been talking about?

Read the article:
20 questions that could change your life by Martha Beck 

Cleaning House

I've been making some changes lately. As I fill my life up with all kinds of things that matter to me, it's been necessary to let some things — and people — go. I've been reconsidering all kinds of things, like the way I schedule my time...the perspective I choose about my work...my willingness to make parenting choices which are tough in the short term, but an investment in my children's developmental well-being...which relationships are nurturing and which are draining. The question I generally ask myself is: "What does my usual M.O. affording me? And what is it robbing me of?" Generally, the answer to the first part is that hanging onto the old way is a fear-based attempt to maintain my perceived safety in the status quo. But it also robs me of the opportunity to find a new and improved status quo — in other words, EVOLVE.

Today I am mirroring the internal work I've been doing in my external environment. It's time to clean house. I am going through the last of the boxes from my recent move, designing my office space, reorganizing my digital world of communication, and ruthlessly ridding my home of clutter.

You might say I am creating a clean, efficient container in which there is room to dance...from the inside out.

Centered Pose

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”
— Jim Rohn

I am finding comfort in this thought today as a wear my favorite yoga tank by Lululemon, called “Centered Pose.” Sitting in the middle of the maelstrom, I observe what swirls around me. The process of deciding what to engage with and what to let drift on by requires a vigilant observation of what choices honor my core values. Nurturing the connection with who I am and how I aspire to being in the world, affords me the foundation from which to act both consciously and responsibly. Not always the easiest place to sit, but ultimately the most rewarding.

TED Tuesday

If you ever doubt what you are capable of, consider operatic soprano Charity Tillemann-Dick.You'll never sing again, said her doctor. But in a story from the very edge of medical possibility, she tells a double story of survival -- of her body, from a double lung transplant, and of her spirit, fueled by an unwavering will to sing.

Deeply moving, this eighteen minutes might change your life. For those of us who have faced medical challenges especially, this is mind-altering. For doctors, it is powerful information. I won't give away the ending, but you won't be disappointed.

 

Challenging Compassion

“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.” 
— Martin Luther King Jr.

It is a special day. Today we celebrate my son’s 4th birthday. It is also the day we remember and honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his contribution to humanity. There is so much inspiration to find in the words and work of Dr. King, but this year, these particular words strike a big chord. In recent weeks, I had been confronted by a situation that challenged my ability to honor one of my deepest values — compassion. Some weeks ago, I received an angry, vitriolic attack via email from someone I worked with in a workshop. The email was inappropriate, inaccurate and threatening. I was simultaneously terrified and outraged. I hated this man!

For a few days, I licked my wounds and indulged my fear and anger at this passive-aggressive terrorist, knowing that somewhere in this experience is what I have learned to refer to as an “AFGO” — Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. It had something to do with the fact that my hatred wasn’t serving me. And that lead me to something deeper. 

One of my deepest beliefs is that we are all souls on a journey, each deserving of compassion. So the question then becomes: How can I hate my attacker and still have compassion for him? Well...I can't. I can hate what he did, but I cannot hate him. I also believe that we are connected in ways our minds cannot fully fathom. So having compassion for him is also having compassion for a part of myself.

This might sound a bit heady and abstract, but as soon as I came to these realizations, I wanted to hug my attacker. What a small, wounded person he really was to be able to lash out that way. Suddenly, his email had nothing to do with me. Not a thing! I just happened to be the witness of a testimony to his own suffering in himself. My fist unclenched and my heart opened.

So if the proof is in the pudding, this past weekend was a big bowl of tapioca. It was the last in our series of workshops and this man and I had to coexist in the same room for 3 full days. We had not communicated at all since the attack. Being in the room wasn't easy. At first, I felt scared and vulnerable. As the time passed, we silently negotiated our space with each other. It seemed that he softened a bit and I offered an olive branch. He didn't take it and I didn't hug him. But the space in my heart that might have been occupied by hatred, was instead filled with deep learning and gratitude for the opportunity to grow.

An Apple A Day...

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs
Co-founder and CEO of Apple, Inc.

Play. Make. Believe.

This is an open invitation to spend the rest of the weekend moving through your life as if you were a little boy playing superhero. Maybe you take an extra 3 sugars in your latte, or maybe you go "fly" off the sofa. It can be subtle, silly or significant.

What happens when you shift the energy with which you approach people and situations? What do you have to leave behind in order to step into this perspective?